A couple of administrative notes before today’s post …
Thanks for the great response to the Merrell Road Glove review and giveaway. You’ve still got a couple of days to enter, so if you haven’t done so already, go over there and throw your name in the hat.
While you’re there, scroll through a few of the comments; when I mentioned that you could leave any fool comment you like, quite a few people took me literally – which is awesome. A few of the comments made me laugh - which is always a good thing – and the notion of creative commenting gives me an idea for today’s post, which also happens to be another contest.
Today’s offering is another “males only” product, which makes two giveaways in a row where the women have been left out. Fear not, ladies – I’ll make it up to you. I have a review and giveaway for Merrell’s female-specific road shoe scheduled in the next month or so, and I’ll rig another contest next week so that only females are eligible. So there – are we still friends?
As I mentioned above, today’s contest is for the boys: in the literal sense, since it’s a product designed just for men, but also in the figurative sense, because, well … it’s made to protect your boys.
|RUEZ underwear ... on a model that's NOT me. I've mentioned it's my off-season, right?|
Yes, that’s a euphemism for male private parts, and if you’re wondering where I got the idea, look no further than the e-mail I received from a marketer representing RUEZ performance underwear. These are actual excerpts from her description of the product:
The company’s founder created RUEZ to address one very specific problem: package chafing.
He’s designed RUEZ with two layers on the front panel. The one closest to the skin (which is made from a wicking compression material) holds the family jewels in place.
A strategically positioned hole separates and protects your joystick.
The founder is a serious innovator with a HUGE … sense of humor.
You get the idea. And all this is without even mentioning the name of the company, which could apparently be pronounced “Are you easy?” (although according to the website it isn’t) while addressing all the benefits in store for your package.
So clearly, the company and its founder, Chris Varney, have a clever sense of humor. It was enough for me to give RUEZ a test drive and see how they compared to other performance underwear I’ve used.
RUEZ briefs feel something like a thin swimsuit instead of cottony underwear, using a neoprene-like 85% polyester fabric instead of the more cottony material of other wicking underwear. It also has 15% elastic for some slight compression that does indeed keep things in place, and both the interior and outer surfaces are silky smooth, which, um … feels nice.
The main feature of RUEZ is the performance pouch, an extra layer of wicking fabric in front of the briefs, which could potentially be used as a storage area if there’s something you wanted to stash there. While stuffing the front of my shorts might me look a little more impressive from a distance, the notion of actually carrying anything down there that I’d be touching with my fingers later was a bit more than I cared to try.
|Actual size of your banana may vary|
The interior layer also has a notch cut out of it, in case you want to separate your banana from your berries. This might be beneficial in the summer when the weather gets warm, but for me, the main benefit of the pouch is that there’s an additional layer of insulation and protection from cold winter air. In the summertime, I’ll just use the regular lining of my running shorts, but for cold-weather situations RUEZ definitely provides improved insulation compared to other brands I own.
RUEZ come in boxer or brief versions, both of which feature the performance pouch. They’re available for purchase on the RUEZ website – the briefs retail for $28, and the boxers are $30.
|Another dude who's not me ... and I suspect he might have a stuffed pouch.|
Of course, we’re doing a giveaway contest here, so one person will receive a pair of boxers and another pair of briefs for himself when this review is all said and done. However, in keeping with the creativity of the previous comment thread and the humor of the RUEZ company, I’m adding a twist to this giveaway – and before I explain it, I have to describe a conversation that took place between my wife, son, and me about a year or two ago.
We were having one of those “coming of age” talks and discussing some of the language he was starting to hear at school when the topic turned to slang terms for the male sex organ. I started rattling a dozen or so off the top of my head - some of which my wife hadn’t heard before – and when I continued on, we had the following exchange:
Wife: How many slang terms do you think there are for that?
Me: At least a hundred. Probably more.
Wife: You’ve got to be kidding.
I wasn’t kidding – and here’s your chance to prove my case. To enter the contest for two free pairs of RUEZ underwear, leave a comment below this post with a slang term for that piece of anatomy. Consider it a game of Name That Junk. Here’s the catch: you can’t use a term that’s already been used by a previous commenter – or for that matter, in this post. If your term is already on the list, you're disqualified. So “package” is out, as are boys, family jewels, joystick, banana, berries, junk … and come to think of it, let's take “performance pouch” off the list as well. Obviously the earlier your enter, the easier the task is, but I can't imagine there's going to be a shortage of options out there.
Here’s your chance to crack me up, fellas. Ladies, feel free to play along as well – maybe you can win your man a nice little reward. The winner will be announced this Saturday night. Thanks very much to RUEZ for sponsoring this contest, and good luck to all the boys out there!
*Product provided by RUEZ.
**See other product reviews on sidebar at right. If you have a product you’d like reviewed, contact me at email@example.com.
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